Thanks to Karen Kunawicz, her On the Verge book (lent by my colleague Rica – Thanks pare!) inspired me to write (ok, blog) down my demented thoughts, yet again. Her collection of essays from ’94-’98 were quite a fun read. I wonder if she still writes until now…
This writing urge literally made me turn my room upside down to find a good paper to write on. Urges such as this deserves a nice page on a really crisp journal (really, I just left my Starbucks planner in the office.) and it’s not everyday that I get this urge. And so I write down – now I blog it here.
Anyway, let me start then.
Er, what about? Come to think of it, I don’t really know what to write about.
** Pardon my sudden change of mood in every paragraph, I told you I’ll be writing spontaneously. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. **
I’m currently writing in a dark room with just a flashlight on from my Nokia 3200 because Sendang is snoring right next to my bed. I didn’t want to be rude by turning on the bright light and I want to cut her some slack because she just recently broke it off with her boyfriend and is now nursing a wounded heart. So being the considerate person that I am, I sacrifice (yeah, right).
Well, I’ve been meaning to do my laundry actually. For three days now, hahaha. But as always, I prefer my precious sleep to dirty clothes and Tide. Hence, it’s bacon and pulubi clothes for me this week. Alright, enough said.
Truth is I’m just waiting for Nikos. He said we’d go somewhere nice tonight and have a fantastic dinner, also because it’s the chef’s birthday (Happy birthday man)! Right now he’s still in a meeting getting all these preparations done for the wicked food tasting of this big company tomorrow. My sweetie is such a hardworking man. He gets my support because after 5 months of bumhood he’s now employed. Yay! So again, being the understanding girlfriend that I am, I wait patiently for him. I slept! Hahaha!
Writing is good, isn’t it? I like writing. But maybe because I’m too outgoing that I prefer talking more than writing, and I could express myself better when I speak rather than write, so I rarely pen down my thoughts.
They say writing is for introverts. Well as far as I’ve observed. Most of the good writers I know are introverts. These introverts, they scare me sometimes, but they turn out to be amazing at the same time. You don’t know what goes on in their heads unless they write it down. And once they do, they conceal it with beautiful poetry or really deep word play, which is magnifico.
Now the question is, could an extrovert like me be a good writer? Ok, don’t answer that.
At this point I’m running out of things to write about. I don’t know if I should write everything in my brain now or tell you what happened to me the past weeks that I was silent.
Ok, updates then.
I’m in happyville at the moment. Hooray! I just came back from my exhausting depression stage. No thanks to work stress, family responsibilities, rollercoaster emotions, career decision (oh dear!), long-term plans, old habits creeping back in and the like.
Everyday seemed to be a struggle for me because I was worrying too much. But thank God I snapped out of it because I realized, “Hey! I’m not the only one experiencing this.” All of us have to deal with these things one way or another and others even have bigger issues than mine. Besides, it doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal if I just leave it all to God. The problem with me is that I tend to control everything in my life, which is why I feel so angry and exhausted and worried whenever things don’t go my way. Thank God for the Holy Spirit for I am reminded that these things are not for me to handle but for God to control. The Lord spoke to me on one of my quiet times through Psalm 46:10, “Normi, be still and know that I am God.” I broke down right there. Why do I have to carry all these burdens when I have the Lord who carried them all for me on the cross? I was so ashamed and humbled by the thought that He is still mindful of a wretched being like me. I found myself singing…
When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood.
I will be still and know you are God.
He is God. Amen! Why would I need to worry when I have the Lord to back me up? But it’s an everyday thought that I need to remind myself because being too in touch with my emotions most of the time, I usually am affected by the people and/or situations around me.
It’s one struggle I have to commit to the Lord always -- my emotions.
I asked the Lord then to lead someone who could disciple me. I needed guidance from someone who is more spiritually mature than I am and would be accountable to the Lord for me. I also need rebuking and discipline from a loving sister so that I could correct whatever it is that I am doing wrong. The Lord gave, and He sent someone who very much have the same heart as mine – in missions, and whom I can relate to mostly because we have almost the same degree in college, ideals in life and handsome significant others, hehehe. I really am excited about this new relationship in my life. I literally am giddy to meet up with her every week for bible study and bonding time.
I thought that was it. But no, the Lord had to pitch in 3 young women for me to look after too. I still smile at the thought that they had me in mind as an AP (accountability partner). I am humbled that I am considered a discipler even if I am so not like the apostle Paul. I still have rough edges and I know that the Lord still is at work in my life until I am polished to perfection. I pray that the Lord will help me to be a good example to them and be their spiritual big sister in all aspects of their lives. I am committing this fellowship to the Lord and I am excited to see how we are all going to grow together in Christ.
Amen, amen.
As for the love department, all’s good. No, great! God knows what is in our hearts. We both have surrendered our plans to God and we’re letting Him do what He wills whenever he sees it perfect. Slowly we’re seeing how God’s plan is unfolding and we are both thrilled to witness its completion. Yet we still have to wait patiently.
Wait patiently. Wait, wait, wait and…
He’s here!!!
I can hear the door downstairs open now! Nikos just arrived with the birthday boy (can you feel my excitement?)!!! Nikos woke up Rhiza already. Now, we have to rush because it’s late and we haven’t eaten since noon. I wonder if we’re having seafood tonight? *yum*
Well, I guess that’s about it, I have to run. Congratulations! You made it this far. You’re patient for reading through all that. I didn’t realize someone would actually take time to read this hahahaha. Thanks anyway. Oh, I’m not good at ending long posts like this so…
Bye! 
You don't have to go through all that stress because I have good news for you.
The last time we had landline was when I was still in highschool (so imagine the excitement). *sigh* I remembered those nonsense, long-hour phone calls with your girlfriends and crushes, hihi. Now, I can't even recall any of their numbers anymore. And the one person whom I wanted to spend those long-hour phone calls again is away. Boohoo. 
). Everyday, He helps me realize the plans He have for me. Each day He reveals Himself to me in many different attributes yet He's still the same. I can't wait to see Him personally. Desiderio Domini, I long to see my Lord. Oh He's just so beautiful! He's exquisite, breath-taking, amazing, incomparable, undescribable, I am even mumbling now because I don't know what else to say about Him. He's my life, He's my hope, He's the joy inside of me, He's my inspiration, my motivation. He's my all. I want to be the person He molded me to be, so when He sees me again, He'll say... "Ah my child, you are perfect." 
